Outpatient Update, Move, Gardening,

Hey all! Sorry I have kinda been missing for quite a while. I moved into a cutesy little house with an awesome roommate, work 6 days a week, for at least ten hours a day, then on my “day off” I clean, do some garden therapy and go to OP.

Overall, I feel like my life is pretty steady and consistent, the way I like it. I enjoy keeping myself busy. I love going 100 mph and practically never stop. When I’m at work on the dock, I find myself running or doing suicides just to keep going. It is so uncomfortable for me to sit still or relax. It drives my boyfriend-ish thing guy absolutely crazy.

My roommate is terrific, she goes grocery shopping, deals with me and we get along great. We get up in the morning, start the hot water on the stove, have breakfast, get ready for work and leave.

OP is well, it’s OP. Sometimes stressful, but always helpful and beneficial in some way. My Dietitian is absa-fruitly amazing, and I’ve been trying to implement more foods. My therapist, words cannot describe her, she tolerates my sarcasm and me being difficult so well, she calls me out on my bullshit, which I desperately need.

I feel like one thing I do need to touch on is my inability to sit still. I’m not even sure where that comes from, but I constantly feel like I need to be doing something, accomplishing something. Yes, I have my sometimes “lazy day” but overall, it is awful for me to just sit down and do nothing, especially by myself. T, my super therapist, brought that to my attention the other day. If I am sitting with someone the anxiety isn’t as bad, but sitting by myself drives me insane.

I think the closest I have come lately is my new garden therapy I have begun around our new place. Flowers, tomatoes, peppers, basil, brussels, you name it! Watering, weeding, fertilizing, planting, etc. I am able to be with myself, not going a complete 100 mph, when I am outside in the garden. Granted, I am still being productive, but something happens, I enjoy being outside, still getting dirty and sweaty, watching the plants grow or be watered, excited for all of the sprouting possibilities in my freshly watered beds.

More to come! Sorry, have to be up at 5:30, night!

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