Future

About a week or so ago one of my friends and I got together. We hadn’t seen each other since she left treatment back in December. We had dinner together, laughed together, caught up, then she came over. We finished off the evening by watching Gilmore Girls and having a couple glasses of wine. It felt great to be able to attempt to be “normal” and enjoy my evening with a great friend.

Recently, this guy and I have been talking, we have been going out together quite frequently and we may even be an item. He is such a great guy and I really enjoy his company.  The few dates my potential boyfriend guy thing and I have done have involved waterfall hiking, walking around a cutesy little town, dinner, lunch. We actually have a list going of stuff we need to do. On that list recently was a waterfall, and I made him try a kale smoothie, that he actually didn’t hate! He is offering to help me move when I need it, and he texts me “Good Morning” almost every morning. He has offered to go to yoga with me and doesn’t judge me for my “hippie dippie” tendencies.

He is so sweet, patient and smart. He tolerates me so well, and I’m not sure if we are an item, or what we are, but I honestly feel lucky. He deals with my quirks and indecisiveness very well. He doesn’t know about treatment or anything like that, he does know I go to dietitian appointments, and doesn’t judge me for that. Actually, today I told him I ate half of a banana which is big for me, and he congratulated me!! Earlier today I sent him a picture of me hand feeding wild baby ducks, he called me a Disney princess and was impressed.

I am wearing myself out working as much as I am. I work ten, sometimes twelve hour days, typically 6 days a week, sometimes more. It is exhausting, but at the same time I don’t do well with a lot of free time on my hands, so working is probably the best option. I have gotten a new tattoo, I signed the lease on a house, and have a roommate, we move in together in two days!!! Stuff is changing. I am worried but excited. Feeling so ridiculously anxious about the house and all these changes I’m not sure what to do.

I feel like I’ve been in a pretty good place mentally and emotionally lately and feel like it is silly for me to continue to go to my outpatient appointments, but at the same time it is silly to not go and risk everything falling apart, especially in the middle of all the changes. It has been freeing, even if just a tiny tiny bit, but freeing none the less, to focus more on work, packing, my boyfriend and the new house, rather than every single calorie in my body.

Trust the process!!

xoxoxo

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3 thoughts on “Future

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