Sent Home From Work

It is probably so cliche to say “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Especially when I don’t give enough shits to actually do anything about it. I haven’t eaten and kept down anything substantial in almost a week.
Today hit me really hard, I ended up sipping on a Gatorade, all I could see was the “130 calories” staring at me, taunting me, the sugar passing through my teeth, sticking to my body. I also had a homemade muffin, slowly pulling pieces off of the top and allowing my weak, spinning body to consume it. Putting me at a whopping -168 calories at 5 in the evening. Still feeling no better, and after involuntary throwing up my muffin, my boss came down to check on me and informed me, “I’m pretty sure we can handle it, you need to go home and eat.”
la de fucking whoop, if only I could.
After getting home I managed to get a shower, which was spent mostly sitting on my ass because of my spinning head. This is the second time this week where I have had to go home early because of not feeling well. Oh well. I don’t want to eat. Don’t want to go back to work. Don’t want to do much of anything besides run and sleep,
but I don’t even have the energy to run.
I wish I had the courage to go back to outpatient.

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