I have been in such a slump recently, it is awful. Today my best friend and I took the day off and went shopping.
I realized how much I just don’t even give a damn, and it is kinda scary. I have prayed for my esophagus to rupture, prayed for a heart attack, to pass out at work and get hurt… Anything.
As for outpatient everyone thinks I should schedule and get back in…. but me. I seem to genuinely just have no interest in recovery right now, which kinda scares me. I am stuck in the indescribable hell of my eating disorder, but fighting takes so much effort lately, and I am in just such a slump I don’t even care.
My best friend really wants me to get back into treatment, but just hours later she was telling her dad about how she “Has to go back on her diet.”…. great.
My mom thinks treatment is wasteful and unnecessary. The other people who know all think it is a good idea.
Everything is just falling aside lately. My religion- Haven’t prayed, read, church, anything in a while. Eating disorder- Well, that’s kinda kicking my ass. My day consists typically of Waking up, gym, work, gym, home, shower, repeat. Myfitnesspal can kiss my ass, my boss can bite me, church I have no interest in, clothes all fucking suck-I do love my Nike shorts though they are the best. Outpatient is like an hour away, expensive, and didn’t help the first time. Plus, if my own mother doesn’t give a damn about me, why should I give a shit about my own health?