Oh Lord, I’m a mess!


The temperature outside is 4 degrees F, and yet I am drinking a smoothie- Why?

My best friend is beginning to count calories, not quite sure why- Pretty sure Myfitnesspal is the devil.

Nothing I do seems to make sense. I want it to go away, I want to enjoy myself, food, working out.

Haven’t eaten anything solid and substantial in about four days, hence the smoothie.

Lord, you said to Moses, “You have circled this mountain long enough.”, this is how I feel. I am just doing circles around the same circumstance, doing the same things and expecting different results. I know you are good, and that apart from You I can’t do anything, but yet I still give into my fleshly desires. I rely more on my own judgment than Yours, and believe I know best.

I love mission trips so much and wanna be the one who says “Send me”, if only I would get my eyes off me and more on Him.

In John 5, Jesus comes across a man who was paralyzed. He asks the man one question, “Do you want get well?”. The man then replies with excuses of nobody will help, I can’t make it. There are many of us out there who do the same thing. We fear change, we fear what will happen if we get better, what will we do, how will we handle ourselves. Jesus doesn’t ask for our excuses, He asks if we want to get well. I am very guilty of this. I become terrified of what my life may be like if I get better, and still fall into the lies of “not skinny enough”, “not sick enough”, and so on. I become impatient and believe I know better, and fall flat on my face every time. It is a simple question, “Do you want to get well?”, but doubt creeps in, rejection creeps in, envy creeps in, and clouds my vision of not only my own self image, but of the Lord and His abilities.

This is an ongoing battle I have dealt with for years, I am still going around the same mountain with nothing to show.